I wonder how often the Lord gets frustrated with us. I mean, I know how often I get frustrated with my son and when I sit back and think about it...God must get pretty frustrated with me.
My son will do things that he knows will push my buttons. He yells at me...usually when I have yelled at him first! Whines and whines and whines...until I just want to shove a whole block of cheese down his throat. He asks me questions incessantly, about everything...mostly things I don't even really care about. And sometimes it just gets to be too much and I just want to lock myself in the closet or bathroom or my car and turn music up really loud and block it out!
As a mother, I'm trying to love my son (and daughter) like the Lord loves us all...but it is soooooo hard. I feel that being a mother is truly my calling in this time of my life, but I struggle with it. Not with my children, but with myself. I have a horrible temper that drives me into depression, and self-isolation. It makes me know want to be around my family because "they" might do something to upset me. I know, after much self-examination, that I am the one who upsets myself. I set myself up for disappointment trying to make everything perfect in my eyese.
In the midst of my emotional break down - and they happen way too often, but getting better - I hear that voice. You know the voice...comes like a whisper, at first and then is yelling at you...telling me that I am perfect! I am wonderful and beautiful and smart and a great mom and all those wonderful things that you want to hear. I remember that God created me to be this person...and mother and wife and that it's my duty to be who he wants me to be!
I think God's frustration comes from us not listening when he's talking. I think he's sad when we don't do what we should, but when he's YELLING at us and we CHOOSE to ignore Him, that must make him crazy. EXACTLY how it makes mothers and fathers crazy when their kids do the same thing!
When we listen to that little voice (or yelling one), when we take it in and make it part of our daily lives will find satisfaction in our lives, we will be fearless! We can be free to do what God has planned for us!
"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"Romans 8:31
Let frustration fall by the wayside by God's boundless love!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Mourning and Comfort
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." This is one of the Beattitudes from Jesus' sermon on the mount. I never thought about what it truly meant until recently...more like a little over a year ago when my mother passed away.
I know that is has been a while since I lasted posted. I was so gung-ho about blogging! Thought it would be a great release for me! But this past year has been the best and worst for me. It's hard to believe that I've survived it, that my family has survived and come out on the other side better for it. That's all because of our constant faith in the Lord, that he will provide comfort to us mourners and I call on him everyday for strength in that matter!
On Sunday, March 28, 2010, my father called to tell me that my mother had died. I felt my world implode. How in the world do you deal with something that seems so fictional!?! We all knew that my mother was sick, but thought that she was getting better. It was a shock, but I am a firm believer that when you have done your "duty" on the earth, the Lord takes you...my mother had done whatever it is she was suppose to do and is now waiting peacefully for Jesus' return.
On February 4th of this year, our beautiful little girl, Anniah June Odoms (June, named for my mother) was born. Throughout my pregnancy, I had bouts of depression about me not having my mother to share this with (she had been with me every step of the way through my first). I struggled constantly about the day I would give birth and not have her come in to celebrate with me! I ended up having to have c-section and when that baby girl was brought to me, the joy I felt didn't leave any room for depression or sadness.
Looking back on the first year without my mom, I am reminded of our Lord's boundless love. He did not take away my sadness, but filled me with blessings so there was no room for the darkness that could have consumed me. I had a little boy and a husband to fill my life and when I was laid of from my job, they became my focus. I didn't stress about money because my husband was offered a position that paid quite a bit more and my brother and father helped us out as well! I had the pregnancy to keep me busy! I had wonderful friends and family to help keep my mind occupied. There were so many "things" to fill me, but I also knew that they were all provided by the God. He was comforting me the way He knew I needed to be.
Don't get me wrong, there are days that I miss my mom so much it hurts. But the Lord does not let me dwell there very long. I look to Him through prayer and he comforts me. He fills me. He keeps me safe. He reminds me that I will be with my mother when He wills it. And until then I will find peace in the blessings that He has provided.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Be comforted by the boundless love of God. Blessings!
I know that is has been a while since I lasted posted. I was so gung-ho about blogging! Thought it would be a great release for me! But this past year has been the best and worst for me. It's hard to believe that I've survived it, that my family has survived and come out on the other side better for it. That's all because of our constant faith in the Lord, that he will provide comfort to us mourners and I call on him everyday for strength in that matter!
On Sunday, March 28, 2010, my father called to tell me that my mother had died. I felt my world implode. How in the world do you deal with something that seems so fictional!?! We all knew that my mother was sick, but thought that she was getting better. It was a shock, but I am a firm believer that when you have done your "duty" on the earth, the Lord takes you...my mother had done whatever it is she was suppose to do and is now waiting peacefully for Jesus' return.
On February 4th of this year, our beautiful little girl, Anniah June Odoms (June, named for my mother) was born. Throughout my pregnancy, I had bouts of depression about me not having my mother to share this with (she had been with me every step of the way through my first). I struggled constantly about the day I would give birth and not have her come in to celebrate with me! I ended up having to have c-section and when that baby girl was brought to me, the joy I felt didn't leave any room for depression or sadness.
Looking back on the first year without my mom, I am reminded of our Lord's boundless love. He did not take away my sadness, but filled me with blessings so there was no room for the darkness that could have consumed me. I had a little boy and a husband to fill my life and when I was laid of from my job, they became my focus. I didn't stress about money because my husband was offered a position that paid quite a bit more and my brother and father helped us out as well! I had the pregnancy to keep me busy! I had wonderful friends and family to help keep my mind occupied. There were so many "things" to fill me, but I also knew that they were all provided by the God. He was comforting me the way He knew I needed to be.
Don't get me wrong, there are days that I miss my mom so much it hurts. But the Lord does not let me dwell there very long. I look to Him through prayer and he comforts me. He fills me. He keeps me safe. He reminds me that I will be with my mother when He wills it. And until then I will find peace in the blessings that He has provided.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Be comforted by the boundless love of God. Blessings!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Convicted
When I think of the word convicted, I think of a court of law. You know, when someone is said to be guilty of a crime by a jury of his/her peers. Well, I was just convict, but there was no physical crime...just a crime of the Spirit. I was convicted and held responsible by not only my true brother, but by my brother in the Spirit!
I was telling my brother, Brandon, a story about the Lord speaking to a friend of mine. It was an innocent enough conversation. I made the comment that I believe that if you trust in the Lord, you will be rewarded in His way. Innocent enough, right? Well, my brother says, "Where is that in the Bible?" And I paused...and thought - I have no idea! I told him I wasn't sure...and just turned my head and wanted to conversation to be over...
I couldn't even get my focus back! I told him, I lost my way in the story. And turned away from him. I felt tears welling in my eyes...I do this when I'm upset - it's my release! I could tell that he was getting upset and getting ready to walk away. I couldn't even explain why I was crying or even upset. He kept trying to put words in my mouth...trying to HELP me explain what was going on in my own head. I couldn't even HELP myself!!
We go round and round all the time about him feeling judge by me. I explained that sometimes I feel judged by him. As I started to explain that to him, something popped in my head...I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that I didn't know where that quote was in the bible. I felt guilty because I KNOW how important it is to read my bible, but I don't. I felt convicted!! Not by my brother, but by the Holy Father. I felt Him there saying YOU should know that!!
Now, I don't think I will ever be a bible quoter, but I do know that the only way to find wisdom is to learn. I need to find time to read my bible because I need to be filled. I need to find time to read my bible because I need to know more in order to be what I need to be for HIM.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18
Find that perfect love in the only One who can give it. God Bless.
I was telling my brother, Brandon, a story about the Lord speaking to a friend of mine. It was an innocent enough conversation. I made the comment that I believe that if you trust in the Lord, you will be rewarded in His way. Innocent enough, right? Well, my brother says, "Where is that in the Bible?" And I paused...and thought - I have no idea! I told him I wasn't sure...and just turned my head and wanted to conversation to be over...
I couldn't even get my focus back! I told him, I lost my way in the story. And turned away from him. I felt tears welling in my eyes...I do this when I'm upset - it's my release! I could tell that he was getting upset and getting ready to walk away. I couldn't even explain why I was crying or even upset. He kept trying to put words in my mouth...trying to HELP me explain what was going on in my own head. I couldn't even HELP myself!!
We go round and round all the time about him feeling judge by me. I explained that sometimes I feel judged by him. As I started to explain that to him, something popped in my head...I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that I didn't know where that quote was in the bible. I felt guilty because I KNOW how important it is to read my bible, but I don't. I felt convicted!! Not by my brother, but by the Holy Father. I felt Him there saying YOU should know that!!
Now, I don't think I will ever be a bible quoter, but I do know that the only way to find wisdom is to learn. I need to find time to read my bible because I need to be filled. I need to find time to read my bible because I need to know more in order to be what I need to be for HIM.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18
Find that perfect love in the only One who can give it. God Bless.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Finding your match
My brother stopped by today. He's really struggling with finding his match - his mate, his wife. He's been looking for what seems like forever. I guess when you are surrounded by married couples, you start to think about what you want in life and you strive to be like those around you, especially when everyone seems to be SO happy!
I really do find encouagement in him. He reminds me to never take my husband for granted. I know that there are many out there struggling with the same conflict that he is and I don't ever want to be in that predicament again. I was there nearly 6 years ago...
I was a workaholic and was so lonely it hurt. I prayed everyday for God to grant me a partner that I could share my life with. I was on every FREE personal site you could think of - with the exception of all those gross site (you know what I mean). I felt God urging me to take a chance...which is just terrifying!! I put my trust in Him...and when this guy asked me out - well to hang out, I said yes. I didn't end up with that guy, but I did end up with his friend. If I hadn't put my trust in God and just taken a chance, I wouldn't be happily married.
I encourage those of you who are struggling in anything right now to give up your burden to God. Take a chance on life...the worse that can happen is falling into God's arms. Because even when we don't get exactly what we want, when we want it, we must remain faithful. " For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off." Psalm 37:28
Be faithful in the Lord.
I really do find encouagement in him. He reminds me to never take my husband for granted. I know that there are many out there struggling with the same conflict that he is and I don't ever want to be in that predicament again. I was there nearly 6 years ago...
I was a workaholic and was so lonely it hurt. I prayed everyday for God to grant me a partner that I could share my life with. I was on every FREE personal site you could think of - with the exception of all those gross site (you know what I mean). I felt God urging me to take a chance...which is just terrifying!! I put my trust in Him...and when this guy asked me out - well to hang out, I said yes. I didn't end up with that guy, but I did end up with his friend. If I hadn't put my trust in God and just taken a chance, I wouldn't be happily married.
I encourage those of you who are struggling in anything right now to give up your burden to God. Take a chance on life...the worse that can happen is falling into God's arms. Because even when we don't get exactly what we want, when we want it, we must remain faithful. " For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off." Psalm 37:28
Be faithful in the Lord.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Beginning...
Ok...so I have never in my life done this "blog" thing. I'm not even sure if anyone but me will ever read this, but I figure I can use it as my own personal journal. If you know me personally, you know that I'm pretty much an open book. Some might say I'm the epitome of "TMI" (too much information). I share my life with others, so that I may be a blessing to them...and hey, if someone can learn from my life, then there is God!
God is ever present in my life - He is here as I'm writing (typing) these words on this page. I'm trying to allow God to guide me in the words I say and the verbs I use - my actions. It's a constant struggle for me...I yell, I scream, I cuss, I have given the finger (not lately), I have punched my brother (again...not lately) - in short, I have sinned. But the Lord does work miracles and he is changing me - slowly, whether I like it or not. He's here!!
I hope that you get a kick out of my stories...they will mostly have a humorous undertone to them, because, well, that's me! I always have a story to share!
Enjoy the Boundless Love of God, that Graces my life!
God is ever present in my life - He is here as I'm writing (typing) these words on this page. I'm trying to allow God to guide me in the words I say and the verbs I use - my actions. It's a constant struggle for me...I yell, I scream, I cuss, I have given the finger (not lately), I have punched my brother (again...not lately) - in short, I have sinned. But the Lord does work miracles and he is changing me - slowly, whether I like it or not. He's here!!
I hope that you get a kick out of my stories...they will mostly have a humorous undertone to them, because, well, that's me! I always have a story to share!
Enjoy the Boundless Love of God, that Graces my life!
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